|Wednesday, November 18th, 2009|
|Quick review of 2012
2012 was possibly the best disaster movie I’ve ever seen. Never a fan of the genre but I have to give it up to the directors and cast for making what amounted to a 2hr CGI Disney ride. Still, I did have a few problems with the movie. Specifically, the whole approach to creating and filling ‘Arks’ to save humanity. I’ve outlined them in case we are ever faced with a need to actually build and fill such a craft.Asia gets more than one boat
– Really? One boat? Europe only got one and that was only enough for England, France, and Italy. USA of course gets one, no real problem there (I assume a few Canadians were able to hide their accents long enough to sneak on), but the entire Asian land mass gets just one boat. Even if you never played Risk and saw that you get 7 guys for the whole thing, most people realize that there is a fuck of a lot of people in Asia. Keep in mind Russia gets counted as Asian (sorry Russia the West will never let you into its tree fort) so over 60% of the world’s population gets one freaking boat. Something tells me that China might not let us build boats on their turf without giving them more than one boat to share with Russia and Japan.Fuck the Giraffe
– I like Giraffes. Goofy critters are God’s way of telling us not to believe in him. In a life or death, planet destroying moment like the one in 2012 however? Fuck em. Same with the elephants, lions, bears, etc. Anything that is large and eats a lot isn’t getting on the damn boat. We can survive just fine without the Giraffe. We do need more of that stupid pug dog. I predict that in a post-apocalypse world, small dogs who are smart enough to sneak on to their only means of survival AND convince a stupid Russian girl to sacrifice herself for it are way more valuable to humanity than a two-story Jenga beast who can’t even survive an abrupt stop. Logan can’t board
– 60 year-old Russian boxer? Bill Gates? Bill Clinton? Disney’s frozen head? We don’t need these people. They had their time, and contributed to that whole ‘life’ thing. Who we need is the 20 year old athletic Chinese guy who can weld, make engine repairs and most importantly knock up a whole lot of women. 18-35 gets you on the boat. It doesn’t matter how cool you were in the 1980’s we need fresh meat for the mother ship. This whole ‘take the children’ thing is bullshit too. How is a 12 year old going to plow a field? Or construct a home? Or have procreation sex? Sorry little Billy, you stay with Grandpa. Mom and Dad will name their new kid after you when the ship lands. (Note to my gay friends: you can still get on the boat; in fact homosexual acts are definitely the way to go while we’re on the boat and the early years when resources are scarce. When the time for repopulation comes, just turn off the lights and try to think of someone else)Porthos isn’t in charge
– I thought this would be obvious but the President’s Science advisor isn’t in the line of succession. If we stick to my Logan formula then the oldest eligible member of Congress would be Adam Putnam. Yech. I may be willing to allow Danny Glover on board for the sake of preserving some sort of chain of command. It’s great that the guy from Murphy Brown, the Space Assassin from Serenity and ‘The Shade’ from Justice League all want to argue about the best way to slam the boat into Mt. Everest, but I think I want Murtaugh in charge while the world’s in its moist little handbasket.
|Monday, February 2nd, 2009|
|Monday, January 12th, 2009|
Had the waterfall dream for the first time in years last night. Blarg. Current Mood: Barfy
|Monday, December 15th, 2008|
The Bill of Rights. Keeping Pornographers, Gun Nuts, Jihadists, Bloggers and you and I safe since 1791.
|Monday, December 8th, 2008|
|Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008|
|It comes and goes
I need to apologize. Apparently I forgot the law thermokarmatics in that my good fortune moving in has caused a number of you on this list a rather large ammount of emotional and financial stress. I promise to start fucking up again real soon.
So I got a bed. A little more than I wanted to pay, but its comfy in that "keeps your ass off the floor" way that beds have about them. Along with the mini-dresser I swiped from Gwen I have a grand total of 2 pieces of furniture. More to follow as money/salvage is found. Did manage to get the most important things set up, the internet and gaming table. I may have to eat with my hands out of a paper bag over the sink, but I can geek-out gods-dammit.
The house itself would make a fantastic party-pad. Unfortunately Nick and I are both old and fond of breaking OTHER peoples things (well ok, thats just me) so despite the ample room and rocking porch there will probably be very little partying. Maybe at the abandoned school down the road.
The economic news lately has me realizing how lucky I am to have 2 (relatively) recession-proof jobs. The coffee shop sells largely to state workers and politicians. Both of whom will continue to work pretty much up till the torch wielding mob uses the State Christmas tree to batter down the Legislatures doors. The library job is reasonably secure in that it is at the main hub (which gets most of the money) and its funded for at least one more year from the millage.
Never-the-less, I'm considering getting a 3rd job. I could use the money for the house and somebody has been waiting very patiently for some money I owe them. Of course the bounty-hunter I ran into on Ord Mandel helped with that decision. Damn bounty hunters!
|Monday, December 1st, 2008|
|Movin on up....
So I'm moving. Nick and I got a super sweet house on Mechanic St. The new addy is 1217 Mechanic St. We may even have people over sometime in the future. Feel free to stop by and give us gifts.
|Monday, November 10th, 2008|
|Thursday, October 16th, 2008|
My computer may have committed suicide today. Internet contact may become sporadic for those of you who write to me regularly. More news may be forthcoming.
|Monday, September 15th, 2008|
|Gotta love my job
Me: How can I help you sir?
Patron: Yeah, I need to send my picture to these bitches.
Me: Er.... to who?
Patron: These bitches here. Not her though.
Me: Ah.... what picture?
Patron: Here (proudly points to picture of himself in pin-stripe pimp suit)
Me: ....and you want to send it to.... these... women?
Patron: Yeah, but not this bitch. She nasty.
I spend the next ten minutes teaching the patron how to use the dating site he's logged in to "pick up bitches"
In other news. I'm moving to Dover's Crossing this week. I'll post my new address in a few days for the two of you who might care.
|Tuesday, August 12th, 2008|
|Tuesday, July 1st, 2008|
|...oh, did I mention that I also FUCKING ROCK!
Got a job (yes another one) this one pays real adult money and everything. It's at the library so its basically an upgrade from my Page job. I'll keep working at the coffee shop though since this new job still isn't full time, plus I'm sure Jason would miss my wacky brand of off beat humor if I were to leave. I have already spent 20 of my future dollars on a new video game. Damn I'm awesome.
I'm off to the pit this weekend so if I die feel free to leverage my new job money into a Viking funeral. Any virgins out there wanna burn with me? Awww, come on! Current Mood: Cool n Froody
|Monday, June 16th, 2008|
|Wednesday, May 21st, 2008|
Testing my new Icon Mah Sister made for me. Nothing to see.
|Monday, May 5th, 2008|
|Are You Employed Sir?!?
So I keep meaning to post about how I have a second job now at the library. Turns out that information is sooo last week. I now have 3 jobs. I know, I know, I'm about to lose my 'slacker' license but hear me out. In addition to my glamorous job as a Barista I am a Page at the library. What does a page do? you might ask. Well mostly I check books in, organize and shelve them. Then organize those shelves onto other shelves where they can again be organized and shelved (see a pattern here?). It is both mindless and allows me to contemplate the meaning of the universe. Plus I get to wonder things like 'why is this DVD set of Silver Spoons Season One checked out.... and why is there a hold on it from another customer?'
Oh, yeah. Third job is that I will be working in the archives of the library with their archives guy (technical term). I get to sort through old junk and catalog it and do research on it and if that doesn't sound interesting to you then you obviously never spent two years getting an M.A. in modern American & European history. (which I have)
How does this affect *you* the consumer? Well it means I'll have less time for hanging out probably but I will have more money and cool stories about Lansing history when I do it. Yes, COOL stories dammit. You pretend to enjoy my stories or I don't buy drinks with my extra money.
My first archives day is tomorrow so we shall see how it goes. If a mile-high plume of black smoke is seen over downtown then you may assume it went poorly.
|Wednesday, April 16th, 2008|
|GOOD GOD THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD!
You may have won this round, door-jamb from work, but I'll..... I'll..... erg..... gonna..... sit down fer a while........ Current Mood: woozy
|Monday, December 17th, 2007|
|Monday, November 26th, 2007|
|Random posting is its own reward
This just in...
1) It is not a bad thing to care
2) Cold medicine should not
make you hallucinate demonic clowns coming to kill you
3) Do not call me out on Street Fighter II, I will own your ass
That is all. Current Mood: Psychadelic
|Tuesday, October 30th, 2007|
|I'd never join a club that would have me for a member
Living in the inner city has finally gotten to me. Today I joined a gang. Well not a gang actually it's a guild. The docent guild at the Michigan Historical Museum. I will be corrupting Michigan's youth by describing all the sordid details of Michigan history such as the real
reason Lewis Cass put that giant Elk on the state seal. I look forward to misusing your tax dollars.